I LOVE YOU
WHAT ?
I ESCORT MRS M TO THE DOOR
I OPEN THIS OLD DOOR
SHE HOLDS ON TIGHT AS WE SHAKE HANDS
AND ASKS ME
"WILL WE MAKE IT DOCTOR ?"
I TRY NOT TO SHOW MY ANNOYANCE FOR HER CONSTANT
CHILDISH NEED OF MAGICAL REASSURANCE
I LOVE HER EYES
I LOVE HER BIG EYES
"I CERTAINLY HOPE SO !"
I REPLY
TRYING HARD TO BE AS CONVINCING AS POSSIBLE
BUT AS I WALK BACK INTO MY OFFICE I AM COMPLETELY DISCOURAGED
THE SESSION WAS TOTALLY EXHAUSTING
AND FRUSTRATING
ALL AT ONCE
AFTER MONTHS OF HARD WORK
SHE SHOWED ALL OF THE INITIAL SYMPTOMS AGAIN
STILL
EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL
SHE HAD STOPPED VOMITING
SHE WASN'T NERVOUS
SHE WAS SLEEPING AGAIN
SHE HAD EVEN GONE TO THE HAIRDRESSER
BUT TONIGHT SHE SEEMED AS IF SHE HAD GONE BACK TO THE VERY BEGINNING
AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED ALL THESE LONG MONTHS
SHE VOMITS THREE TIMES A DAY
NO SLEEP
SHE IS ANGUISHED
THINKS SHE'S UGLY
FEELS TIRED
SAD
AND I TOO FEEL VERY SAD
PERHAPS I WAS WRONG FOR HAVING COMPLIMENTED HER ON HER IMPROVEMENTS IN THE LATEST SESSIONS
WHICH WERE
ACTUALLY TRULY IMPRESSIVE AND COMFORTING
I MUST HAVE ROUSED SOME SORT OF AGGRESSIVENESS IN HER TOWARDS ME
"I FEEL BETTER THANKS TO PSYCHOTHERAPY
THEREFORE THE DOCTOR IS REALLY POWERFUL
SHE CAN MAKE ME FEEL BETTER OR WORSE JUST BY WANTING IT"
THIS IS WHAT MUST HAVE BEEN UNCONSCIOUSLY GOING THROUGH HER MIND
AND IN ORDER TO DEMONSTRATE BOTH HER INDEPENDENCE AND MY IMPOTENCE SHE'S MANAGED TO HAVE ALL HER SICKNESSES COME BACK
IT MUST BE LIKE THIS
BUT I'M MUCH TOO TIRED NOW TO GIVE AN EXACT RENDERING OF THIS UNEXPECTED THERAPEUTIC DEBACLE
THERE'S ANOTHER PATIENT OVER IN THE WAITING ROOM
IT'S A FIRST APPOINTMENT
USUALLY I DON'T PUT PATIENTS IN AT THE LAST HOUR
TIREDNESS GETS TO ME BY THE END OF THE WORKDAY
WHICH
AGAINST MY WILL
MAKES ME LESS ATTENTIVE AND RECEPTIVE
BESIDES
AFTER 7 PM
THE APARTMENT I SHARE WITH MY COLLEAGUES IS COMPLETELY DESERTED
RECEIVING A COMPLETE STRANGER COULD BE PRETTY RISKY
I LOOK AT MY AGENDA TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING ABOUT THE MAN I AM GOING TO MEET : PERHAPS I'VE SCRIBBLED A NOTE THAT CAN HELP ME DECIPHER THE REASON OF THIS EXCEPTION TO MY RULE
I LOVE MY WINDOW
I CAN GET LOST INTO THIS WINDOW
THIS WINDOW IS MY EVERYTHING
THIS WINDOW AND I
WE ARE ONE
WHAT CAN I SEE
WHAT DO I FEEL NOW ?
WHAT IS A MIND ?
WHAT IS LIFE ?
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